Are you a white person who is afraid of being called a racist? It wouldn’t surprise me if you were, but I invite you to step into the liberating svadhyaya (self-study) practice of admitting your racism.
I am a white woman living the United States. Every day of my life, I benefit from racism against people of color in my country. There were years (decades, really) of my life where I chose to remain blind to racism, where I chose to believe that racism was largely a thing of the past, that I personally was not racist. Those thought-spaces were made possible by my white privilege. I refuse to transact in that currency anymore. I choose to see and to admit my own privilege and individual acts of racism, to apologize for them, to make amends whenever I can and to do better, much better.
This is my practice.
And this is my prayer for us all.
Context.
In the U.S. presidential election last week, an openly racist, xenophobic sexual predator won the electoral vote. The veil has been lifted for many Americans about the depth of racism and sexism in this country. Some of the conversations after this election have been heartening: many (new) people are choosing to stay awake to the oppression and to actively fight it, people are reaching out with kind words to marginalized populations where they otherwise wouldn’t. However, there has been a rise in racially motivated hate crimes in this country as well; closet extremists having been emboldened by the political victory of their champion. In between those two landmarks however, is a vast landscape of well-intentioned beneficiaries of a racist system that are feeling hurt by the accusation that they (due to their vote for a racist) are, in fact, harbingers of racism, sexism, able-ism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia and generalized bigotry. This ecosystem is fragile. There is an opportunity to grow from this place. There is also the possibility that the opportunity for growth that has been revealed by this cataclysmic moment of racist emboldenment will pass us by, because it can be so painful to realize unflattering things about ourselves.
This is more than a political rant, however. I am curious about how the framework of yoga philosophy can assist us in our understanding of white fragility and give a structure for moving forward, rather than repeating the old racist and racism-denying samskaras (patterns) that carried us to this current confluence of anger, shame and denial.
For the purpose of this post, I’m assuming that we can all agree that our actions matter. The impact of our actions has gravity. This is one aspect of karma. If we strum a note on our guitar, the vibrations of the string create a certain sound. Even if I didn’t intend for the sound, my plucking of the string lead to this result. Similarly, by voting for a racist, anti-Muslim sexual predator, the voter condoned those behaviors and a certain chain of events will take place because of that result.
And this is problematic. People do not like to hear that they are racist or sexist or xenophobic or ableist or homophobic or a bigot.
But why is that?
I think this comes down to the story we tell ourselves about ourselves: our ego story, and our attachment to the ego story. We construct a thought-pattern that says and repeats “I’m a good person.” Simultaneously, we have a thought-pattern going that says “Racists are bad.” And since “I’m a good person,” then, of course I can’t be a racist. A new thought pattern may construct itself here: “I can’t be a racist, because I am a good person and racists are bad.” Here we are overly attached to the stories we have told ourselves about ourselves and about racism. In yoga, we would call this asmita or ego-identification. By repeating these thoughts, without holding space for the possibility of anything else, we stay in a static state of being blinded by our thoughts (citta-vritti).
But what if there’s another way?
What if we could hold space for the possibility that one could be a generally good person and still be racist? What if you could reserve the big judgment about whether you’re a good person or whether racists are generally good or bad and just be present to what is actually happening in the moment? This is the work of yoga. To be present, to listen, to receive, to process and to move from a place of openness are skills that we are honing through our daily practices and that culture in the United States does not encourage generally. We exist in a space where certainty, denial of culpability, and a fixed perspective of our story and ourselves is enforced. So stepping away from that space can be scary, uncomfortable and embarrassing in the beginning.
It is also a path to liberation.
When you open yourself up as a dynamic, ever-growing agent of change, you get to change. You get to become the person you want to be. You get to become someone you admire. You get to be someone with unlimited potential, because you let yourself learn and grow.
I know this sounds hard. It can be if you live in a state of believing you are a static being and incapable of change. If you truly believe in your own capacity to grow, this is a launch-pad for liberation.
And this has a feeling. A looseness in places, a groundedness in others. In this space, insight is full of order. (Ritam-bhara tatra prajña. Yoga Sutra 1.48)
The Self-Study (Svadhyaya) of Admitting Racism.
If you find yourself defending your behavior after someone alerts you to racist behavior, ask yourself “what value am I protecting right now?” Get real about it.
- Do you want to be right?
- Are you afraid to admit you’ve been hurtful?
- Are you afraid of looking dumb?
- Are you afraid someone will take something from you?
- Are you afraid you don’t know what’s real?
This is fertile territory for self-study (svadhyaya) and to uncover the fears and attachments that obscure our clear vision (kleshas). Most of the fears I listed above as questions come back to pride or attachment to our ego’s story about who we are. “I’m not a racist.” “I’m not a bad person.” “I’d never hurt anyone on purpose.” While all of these statements may be true, by gripping so tightly to them, we can’t see the situation that is presently unfolding. Rather than taking the racist call-out as an assertion about whether you are or are not a good person or a racist, stay open to the possibility for learning and growing in this moment.
Self-study, believe it or not, is a foundation of yoga practice. Yoga Sutra 2.1 says:
The practice of yoga consists of self-discipline (tapas), self-study (svadhyaya) and dedication to god-consciousness (ishvara pranidhana).
Svadhyaya is the art of “checking yourself before you wreck yourself.” It’s key to the yoga of skill in action (the yoga described by the Bhagavad Gita) and the yoga of seeing more clearly what is actually happening (the yoga described by the Yoga Sutras). For a dedicated practitioner, there is no other way but through svadhyaya.
This aspect of practice requires fortitude and humility. You have to be in a certain state of mental and physical health to look at your own self honestly. And self-study is ultimately the practice of honesty. You can’t shift your focus when you are flooded with guilt, self-pity or inaction due to depression. So you have to do your daily care practice to even be in a space where you can handle self-study. Once you look around in there at your own embarrassing, unflattering, sad, scary stuff with your flashlight of awareness, there’s no going back. That prospect can terrify or liberate you. My prayer is for your liberation. It is the path out of suffering… for all of us.
Once we can hold space for svadhyaya (self-study), for real understanding and growth, for being able to see through the thought-patterns that bind us, we change the pattern. A new pattern can emerge. Our vision becomes clearer and we have a new habit of being okay with the discomfort that precedes liberation.
The more you do it, the less you attached you are to any of those stories you tell yourself about yourself.
Now, on-to practical matters.
How to respond when someone calls you out for racist, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic or other bigoted behavior:
1. I’m sorry.
2. Thank you for telling me.
*3. Would you be willing to help me change my behavior?
It’s important to acknowledge that an aggression occurred, whether you intended for it or not. Your impact matters, whereas your intent is largely irrelevant. Say you’re sorry.
By thanking the person, you’re acknowledging that you have actually received a great boon by being alerted to your racist behavior. This person cared enough to let you know you caused harm rather than just writing you off, walking away and silently cursing you for the rest of your days. It’s a golden opportunity. Learn to be grateful for it.
People you offend have no obligation to educate you, especially in the moment. If you have a good relationship with the person you hurt, have taken responsibility for your behavior and given them time to talk about their own experience and do some healing, you might feel comfortable asking for their help moving forward:
- If you do not understand why your behavior was an aggression, ask them to help you understand. Do not argue or bring up your intentions or tell them they mis-understood you. This is your opportunity to learn and to grow. Use it.
- If you do understand and can articulate some other examples of this behavior, you might come clean with the example. Tell them you understand and apologize. Know how you will act differently in the future.
Moving forward, vow to be better. Because you want to be. Because you are capable of it. Because it is better for all of us.
With love,
Kelly
Some resources:
- White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, by Peggy McIntosh.
- Why I Plan to Tell My Brown Kids That Their New President Is A Racsist— And Why You Should Too, by Margaret Jacobsen.
- White fragility is real: 4 questions white people should ask themselves during discussions about race, by Sarah Watts.
- The Sugarcoated Language Of White Fragility, by Anna Kegler.
- We’ll undertake the work of the Yoga of the Bhagavad Gita in our spring immersion (April-May). If you’re not already on my mailing list and would like to keep up to date about these learning opportunities, please sign up here.
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